I'm feeling quite schizophrenic.
On one hand, there's teh rational, logical side of my brain that says all this stuff is wrong...that surely there's something wrong with giving someone such pain, that enjoying giving the pain out is bad.
On the other hand, there's the Heart. That part of me that thrills to the touch of the cane in my hand, that gets excited to hear it swoop through the air, that can feel the need of that cane to be lashed hard across a pair of taut buttocks.
It's just not right, is it? That feeling of power, that need, pleasure in the suffering of another - of someone you love.
OK, it's not right, but it feels so good! The well placed blow, the reddening line written across her cheeks. My Signature of Ownership.
Even the tears. You know you made them. You have the power to control her emotions with your bare hand. She cries or cums at your command, at your touch.
They say power is addictive. Perhaps I'm fighting that addiction. Perhaps I should. Do I want to turn into a whip weilding ogre? Is that what she secretly craves? I know now that she craves to be taken regularly in hand and that she is now comfortable with asking to be hurt, but I fear going too far. I've seen the results of doing too much too soon, of having nothing to regulate you but bravado.
The result, quite frankly is a slave that doesn't respond well to training or discipline. Who has the time to reprimand his slave with hundreds of strokes of the cane for each infraction? I know I don't. Yes, there's other avenues to take in terms of discipline, but quite frankly, there's battles that ain't worth fighting. Maybe it's a good thing to be an imaginative Owner that can find infinite ways of punishing a slave that won't be broken, but it's also exhausting.
Basically, there's a difference between brattery and pathological defiance. If you don't know the difference, you're not ever going to wear my collar. Be a sub, be a painslut, be a toy on a rack in a BDSM club. Don't kid yourself that you can ever be a collared slave, happy to serve and be at your Owners' feet.
You see, that's where the dichotomy comes from. How can I know this? How can I be sure of what I'm saying? How do I know I'm being a good Master? I have nothing to measure myself against except what I read on other sites and in books.
Indeed, should I be any kind of Master? Isn't this just a case of machismo and chauvanism? Lording it over your girlfriend, beating her to keep her in line? How can it be right?
And how come she likes it so much??
4 comments:
She likes it so much because that's the way she is. There's simply no other way to describe it.
If she *didn't* like it, then your 'lording' it over her would be terribly wrong. But she does like it, so that means you have the rare and precious opportunity to explore the power trip that so many people never get to safely experience. Just keep in mind that she's given you a rare and precious chance...
Really, I'm not one to give advice, being on the bottom end of the equation. But that was what I thought when I read your entry.
Congratulations. :)
Agreeing with sparkle on this one, she likes it because of how she's made. I know for me, our D/s dynamic fills something in me, makes me feel whole in a way I'd never felt before. I like to think it does the same for Griz. I think I'll send him over to this post.
A thoughtful post Fitz, and one any Dom worth the name has on more than one occasion.
I was never a Master and my Mel was never an owned slave.
We had a DD and D/s marriage this is what we both wanted and indeed needed,
Perhaps she was hard wired to be a sub and I a Dom as Sparkle says. Every time she broke a rule and needed to be punished, this question arose, I had to remind myself that I loved her with every atom of my being, but my responsibility as H of H and Dom was to give her what she needed.
I think that we have to question our motives every so often, as you say, spanking the beloved is addictive, but her need should be filled as well as ours.
As we say over here, that's my two bobs worth.
Paul.
Thanks folks.
I'm loving how I'm getting both sides of the discussion here. It's fascinating!
Sparkle, good girl - I'm sure you're right. brat's had a masochistic, self-destructive streak in her since day one. harnessing it in this way is turning it into such a powerful force for good that I'm hard pressed not to turn to spanking as a first resort these days!
Paul - You're absolutely right, it's a duty, however pleasurable or (in some quarters) morally questionable. Thanks for reassuring me that other Doms have these quandaries, too.
(My verification code this time: afnny. So close!)
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